Tired

It seems like the dark door of the past is going to reopen. 

People say history repeats itself.

Yet why do I seem to be the only one suffering like hell?

This feeling is breaking me again. 

Am I so worthless that my life is nothing but a mare joke to the people who claim me to be their world?

I am tired of feeling like this,
I'm tired of listening to my tears.

I am tired of being the only one to wipe them,
And then I'm expected to smile,
When I am not even alive inside.
 
This sorrow continues to reappear,
Making me struggle to fight my fears.

It feels like I am living in despair,
My heart aches with words from others.

It feels like this life is vain. 
But ending it is still not enough. 

I am tired of being surrounded by toxic people. 

I am tired of this feeling which makes me care.

Those arguments, 
Those words, 
Works like a sharp spear.

Toxic relationships,  
Hypocrite people are all a part of my life.

I am just breathing.

In this fake world,
Full of lies and veneers.

Why do I have to try and battle all this defeat?
Why do I have to be the one always to believe?

Am I so easy to break? 
That it is so hard for me to be spared?

I fake a smile, 
To live this life.

My screams are never heard,
It seems like people never cared. 

I try to move on,
But I am still stuck here.

All I think about is why?

Does it have to be just me to suffer?

I only feel like I am living,
When hot blood rushes from my hand.

These cuts remind me that it's all real.

These scars are the attestation of my fears.

I never thought of being like this,
Never thought I would do this.

I trusted so much,
That now, 
I am scared of it.

It seems that everything I do is wrong.

But now I am done with all the begging, 
Tired of people's nagging. 

This suffering has to end,
Otherwise, I'm simply a zlich.

However, for this journey to begin, 
I have to move on from myself. 

The path is full of hurdles, 
Where people are waiting to throw mud at me.

I have to be strong.
 
Or I will be skin alive.

Let's get ready for this quest,
Cause still, a little bit of hope for me is left.